You put others first.

__________

If someone needs help, you are always there, never late, even if it inconveniences you.  When something goes wrong, you take the blame.
You work so hard, offering your time, energy, and peace to anyone who asks, yet you ask for nothing in return.

Deep down, you’ve come to believe that being tired, hurt, or unappreciated means you are doing the right thing. That if you suffer enough, people would love you more. You want to be seen as the “nice person”, the one who gives everything without complaint, always smiling. You imagine people from afar saying, “She has a good heart”. 

And so, you hold on to those imagined words to keep you going, even when angry and pained inside..
Most people never notice, they walk over you like a doormat, never a whisper of a thank you, or acknowledgment, just more taking.
Still, you throw caution to the wind and keep giving, despite when the emptiness makes your stomach ache and skin crawl.
Why?
Because somewhere along the line, you’ve internalized a false belief: that love must be earned through sacrifice. That only after you’ve bled enough can you wear the badge of honour.

That is the martyr complex in practice!

People with this personality trait go out of their way to help others. They see themselves as helpers and believe it is their moral obligation to put others first, with the view of self-sacrifice as a duty.

Being helpful is, of course, a virtue. But it becomes self-destructive when the cost of helping others is your well-being; it stops being noble and starts being harmful.

In time, the constant sacrifice begins to take a toll. Leading to unhappiness, unfulfillment, and emotional depletion. They suppress their own needs, viewing life as a struggle and themselves as a bastion of righteousness in an ungrateful world.

Women, particularly mothers, are more susceptible to this trait. By nature, mothers are givers. They’ll put their children first, often extending that selflessness to husbands, parents, friends, and let’s not forget, the overzealous employee.

Let’s be clear: it is NOT a martyr complex when you are generous with your time or resources. But when that generosity becomes entangled with a need for constant validation, you depend on praise to feel worthy, then it becomes something else entirely.
The Martyr complex often walks hand in hand with a deeply ingrained need to please others (people pleasers).
But here’s where we must draw a critical distinction to avoid confusion:

• Martyrs are aware they’re being taken advantage of but choose to stay in the situation. They are comfortable, habituated, or submissive to the situation and believe a change would be worse for them and others in their lives. No willingness to seek change. Martyrs often mask their behaviour with an aura of willingness and desire for behavioural change in their lives. Usually, they are only fooling themselves, since the others in their lives can see by their behaviour and attitude that there is no possibility of change.
• Victims are unaware they’re being mistreated until they realize it. They are usually open and honest about their discomfort and willingly seek behavioural change. Their sincerity is easily perceived by others due to the actions and behavioural changes that take place.

Once the realization dawns, they have a choice: walk away or remain.

If they stay, they risk turning into martyrs. The saying, “If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem,” applies to the martyr’s state in life.

Just to mention a few…