Last week, we discussed the pain of rejection and explored how it affects our lives. Building on the foundation we laid last week, how can we make rejection less hurtful, especially when we are desperately hoping for an immediate ‘YES?’
For starters, there must be a set aside time to process it. It is okay to spend a little time licking your wounds when your ego has just been bruised by rejection. Think back to childhood days, when we fell and scraped our knees or bumped our heads, and how good it felt to be hugged and soothed. That moment helped us confront the sting of rejection.
In times of rejection, it is okay to retreat into a ‘sober mode’ for a short while, perhaps a few hours or at most a couple of days, to reflect, identify our emotions, and begin to heal. Afterwards, we must find the strength to move on. We must find healthy ways to let off steam. Have a fit (privately), punch a pillow, cry, vent, or scream into a cushion if you must.
Do whatever it takes to remove everything associated with rejection, such as anger, sadness, and fear; acknowledge and release them. In your own space, allow yourself to feel, then let go. This emotional release is therapeutic and great for a battered soul.
Channel the pain into purpose. Oftentimes, pain unlocks creativity. Most times, when we are in pain, our soul becomes creative. Many artists, poets, songwriters, and musicians have created their finest arts or works during moments of deep sorrow. When the soul speaks through pain, it often says something profound. Let your rejection fuel a creative spark, rise above the setback, and transform the pain into something powerful and positive.
Use the feedback for your benefit. Every experience, no matter how bad it may seem, contains useful insights. Rejection offers room to improve and an opportunity to learn. Criticism related to rejection can highlight areas that need improvement. Reflect on what was said, take the lessons, and work to enhance the quality of your proposals, presentations, or personal approach.
Don’t let rejection drag you down. While our instincts may take it personally, rational thinking can reframe it positively, giving it a better perspective. The next time rejection stings, blame the circumstances, not yourself. Take the feedback and get back in the game stronger.
Are you making a mountain out of a molehill? Understand that rejection tends to blow things out of proportion, you need to try shrinking it back to size. Some psychologists suggest reframing how we speak about rejection. Instead of saying: ‘I was rejected’, try, ‘My proposal (suggestion or application) was rejected this time, but could be accepted next time.’ Language matters.
Let go of perfectionism. No one is perfect; accepting that now will save you a great deal of headaches related to trying to be perfect. When one clings to perfectionism, it stalls progress. We all make mistakes, face setbacks, and fail. Embracing our imperfections is key to personal growth and overall well-being. Use rejection as a means to uncover and determine where you were ‘wrong’ to enable you to do better in the future.
Redirect your thoughts by thinking positively. If you find yourself replaying the rejection, blaming yourself, or others, pause and rethink. When dealing with rejection, attitude is everything.
Where thoughts go, energy flows.
Choose to direct your thoughts toward what could be better next time and adopt a positive mindset. Every cloud has a silver lining, and as the old wives’ tale says, think of what we could have done better and have a positive mindset. Remember the old saying: ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’
Admit that rejection is a part of life, just like failure. It’s as essential as success because it reminds us that we are still living, and life is good. Don’t judge rejection too quickly. Just like we can’t judge a book by its cover, rejection may not always be negative. What is initially perceived as a loss or failure may often be entirely something else. See rejection as a means to change, learn, evolve, and improve.
Without risking rejection, we may never reach our highest goals. Everything happens for a reason.
Food for Thought
When one door closes, another opens, but we often spend so much time staring at the closed door that we miss the one that has quietly opened for us.
Coping with rejection healthily, helps us grow, and can shape us into better and stronger versions of ourselves.
How have you managed rejection before now?
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