The Cries of a Perfectionist (Part 2): How Perfectionism Steals Joy and Creates Stress

  • By: Sandra A. Aghaizu
perfectionist

“Perfectionism is not about striving for excellence... It’s about fearing imperfection.”

Last Week’s Recap

In Part 1, we defined perfectionism as a set of defeating thought patterns that push you to achieve unrealistic goals. We also distinguished between healthy (adaptive) and unhealthy (maladaptive) perfectionism.

Maladaptive Perfectionist

  • Sets standards beyond reach and reason.
  • Is never satisfied with anything less than perfection.
  • Becomes depressed or discouraged when they experience failure.
  • Is preoccupied with fear of failure and disapproval.
  • Sees mistakes as evidence of unworthiness.
  • Becomes overly defensive when criticized.

Adaptive Perfectionist

  • Sets high standards, just beyond reach.
  • Enjoys the process as well as the outcome.
  • Bounces back from failure and disappointment quickly and with energy.
  • Keeps anxiety and fear of disapproval within normal bounds/in check.

If you missed the last piece, you can read it here 👉 The Cries of a Perfectionist (Part 1)

The Dark Side/Negative Effects of Perfectionism
  1. A Constant Sense of Failure
    Perfectionists often focus on flaws rather than achievements. No matter how well a task is done, there’s always a voice whispering, “You could have done better.”
    You might complete a beautiful project, but instead of celebrating it, you fixate on the rough edges that no one else notices.
  2. Procrastination and Lowered Productivity
    When standards are impossibly high, fear replaces motivation.
    Those affected hesitate to start because you’re terrified of making mistakes. Attention to detail becomes overwhelming, and projects drag, sometimes unfinished, until deadlines force them into a stressful rush.
    In the end, achievement feels more painful than rewarding.
  3. Missed Opportunities
    Perfectionists often wait for “the perfect time.” But perfection rarely aligns, and life keeps moving.
    This mindset can trap those in unfulfilling jobs or routines despite their true potential.
    By avoiding new experiences or risks, they shut themselves off from creativity, passion, spontaneity, and growth.
  4. The Ripple Effect: Impact on Children
    Perfectionism doesn’t exist in isolation.
    A perfectionist parent may unintentionally pass their mindset to their children, constantly highlighting faults instead of praise.
    Over time, this teaches children that love or approval must be earned through flawless performance, creating unnecessary pressure and self-doubt.
    Love inevitably begins to feel conditional.
  5. A Barrier to Growth
    To a perfectionist, mistakes equal failure.
    Because of this fear, they rarely take risks or acknowledge their errors. Yet, growth is born through mistakes, through falling, learning, and trying again.
    Avoiding mistakes means avoiding growth and, ultimately, life’s lessons.
  6. Stress and Anxiety
    The perfectionist’s mind rarely rests.
    Constant self-criticism, sleepless nights, and worry take a toll, both mentally and physically.
    Over time, the emotional strain manifests physically, which can lead to burnout, anxiety, high blood pressure, and stress-related illnesses such as IBS and fatigue.
    All from trying to reach a standard that doesn’t exist.
  7. Low Self-Esteem
    Perfectionists often tie their self-worth to performance.
    When things go well, they soar like birds gliding high in clear skies.
    But when failure strikes, they plummet. The “rain” of disappointment drenches their confidence, and rising again feels harder each time.

Food for Thought

Being a perfectionist isn’t entirely bad; it depends on how you use it.
When perfectionism fuels growth, discipline, and excellence, it can be a gift. But when it leads to fear, stress, or self-punishment, it becomes a cage.
If you notice that your perfectionism causes more pain than progress, it’s time to adjust.
Allow yourself to be human, to learn, stumble, and grow.
Use your drive not to chase flawlessness, but to become your best, authentic self. The kind that leaves room for joy, rest, and grace.

Next week:
We will explore the causes of extreme perfectionism, where it begins, why it persists, and how one can heal from it.

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