Adult Bullying: “When Healing Becomes the Answer”

healing-therapy-2

For the past two weeks, we have been exploring adult bullying, an uncomfortable reality that too often hides in plain sight. Unlike childhood bullying, it is subtler, disguised in sarcasm, exclusion, gossip, or the misuse of authority. Yet, its effect can be deep-wounding.

At its core, bullying is:

  • A repeated act of harm, sometimes loud or quiet.
  • A misuse of power, seeking control over another.
  • A behaviour that leaves scars not always visible, but deeply felt.

If you missed the earlier posts, you can revisit Adult Bullying Part 1 and Part 2. Today, we close this series by addressing the most important step of all: healing. Because when silence is broken and wounds are named, recovery becomes possible.

Here are the steps to aid recovery:

  1. Consider how it affects you: The first question is not, What is this person doing? but rather, What is it doing to me?
    If someone’s words are no more than passing irritations, let them float away. But when the sting lingers, when you dread walking into work, when sleep escapes you, when your sense of worth begins to shrink, then silence is no longer strength. To ignore deep wounds is to give the bully more room to thrive. Healing begins with honesty: this hurts, and I deserve better.
  2. Examine the relationship: Bullying forces us to weigh the value of a connection. Who is this person in your life? A friend, boss, or family member? What do they truly add to your world? Sometimes the healthiest choice is distance. At times, it’s redefining the terms of engagement. Either way, clarity about the relationship gives you the language to later voice your needs.
  3. Choose to act: There is a quiet but profound power in saying: I will not remain silent.
    Bullies thrive on passivity. Taking action, either through words, boundaries, or decisions, is key to reclaiming your sense of empowerment that has been stripped from you by the bully.
  4. Document the abuse: Words are slippery; memories fade. But writing things down anchors truth.
    What was said?
    When?
    Who was present?
    How did it make you feel?
    Each detail becomes both mirror and evidence, a way to see the gravity of your situation, and if necessary, the proof you need to seek justice. Keep emails, notes, screenshots, etc. Your story deserves to be remembered with accuracy.
  5. Seek help: Bullying isolates. It whispers that you are alone. But you are not. Seek a mentor, a trusted friend, a counsellor, or even legal counsel if needed. Share wisely. Remember, not every institution or HR department exists to shield you, but there are always people whose voices can amplify yours, reminding you that you do not have to carry this burden in silence.
  6. Educate yourself: Knowledge steadies the trembling heart. Learn about bullying, its patterns, disguises, and legal implications. Understand your workplace policies and legal rights. The more informed you are, the less room fear/intimidation has to grow.
  7. Set boundaries: Boundaries are invisible fences of self-respect signalling: this is how far you can come, and no further.
    They are not easy to create, nor to keep. But once spoken, they must be held with firmness.
    Boundaries are not walls to shut people out; they are doors that teach others how to walk in.
  8. Speak if you must: Confront when the time feels right. Not with rage, but with clarity. Take someone you trust by your side. Stand firm, look them in the eye, and state what you need. Remember, assertiveness is not aggression; it is the quiet strength of naming the truth aloud.
  9. Guard against cyberbullying: In our digital age, cruelty often travels through screens. Do not hesitate to block, report, and seek assistance from providers. Digital wounds are still real wounds. Protect your space.
  10. If you witness bullying, step in: Bullying is not only sustained by the bully, but also by the silence of witnesses. Change begins in small gestures, such as refusing to laugh at someone’s expense, shifting the topic of gossip, or simply standing with the one being targeted. Cultural shift starts in whispers before it becomes a roar.
  11. Know when to leave: Sometimes, the bravest act is walking away. Unlike children, adults have the power to exit a toxic job, draining friendship, or a demeaning environment. This is not defeat; it is choosing peace over poison.
  12. Consider therapy: Bullying echoes long after the voice has gone. Therapy offers you space to confront those echoes without letting them define you. It helps rebuild confidence, reflect on patterns, and grow without blame.
    Remember, the bullying was not your fault, but healing is your responsibility.

Food for thought

Bullying is a cycle that can trap both the bullied and the bully. If left unchecked, it corrodes not only individuals but the entire culture.
So pause, reflect, and choose:

  • Will I be silent?
  • Will I participate?
  • Or will I begin, in my own small way, to break the cycle?

Healing is not just recovery. It is resistance and choosing to rise where others tried to suppress you.

Till next time.

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