Perfectionism is often mistaken for being perfect or doing something perfectly. Many assume it must be a good thing, while others see it as something negative or even embarrassing. But the real question is this: Is perfectionism good or bad?
What is Perfectionism?
Perfectionism is a set of self-defeating thought patterns that push you to pursue unrealistically high goals. It involves putting immense pressure on yourself to meet certain high standards, which then shape how you view your worth.
Researchers have found that perfectionism can have both helpful and harmful sides. Psychologists identify two forms:
It’s important to understand the difference between maladaptive perfectionism and a healthy quest for success. Maladaptive perfectionists see mistakes as unacceptable and believe failure makes them appear incompetent.
Those striving for excellence in a healthy way see mistakes as opportunities to learn and improve; they understand that failure is part of growth.
Having high standards can be positive, as goals motivate us to achieve great things. But when those goals are unrealistic or achievable only at great emotional cost, they can make it difficult to feel good about yourself. That’s when perfectionism becomes a problem.
In this series, we will explore the problematic side of perfectionism in four parts.
Today’s focus: Traits of a Perfectionist.
Traits of a Perfectionist
1. You’re always eager to please.
This often begins in childhood, the desire to please parents or teachers by earning that A+. Anything short of perfection feels like failure. Even a “B” can bring deep frustration or sadness. The longing to please becomes a quiet obsession.
2. Your drive for perfection is costing you, and you think it’s worth the price.
If you push yourself to unhealthy extremes to avoid being average or mediocre, believing “no pain, no gain” is the only path to success, you might be a perfectionist.
As Dr. David Burns notes, “The perfectionist acknowledges that his relentless standards are stressful and somewhat unreasonable but believes they drive him to excellence and productivity.”
3. You procrastinate.
Perfectionists are often chronic procrastinators…waiting for the “perfect” time, the “perfect” plan, or the “perfect” version of themselves before starting anything. But that time rarely comes.
The fear of failure, of not doing something perfectly, often leads to inaction.
4. You’re overly critical of others.
Perfectionists tend to project their high standards onto others. They can be rigid, judgmental, and difficult to please, like walking on eggshells around them.
In truth, they often reject in others what they secretly dislike in themselves.
5. You have an All-or-Nothing mindset.
“If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point in trying.” Perfectionists tend to think in extremes — success or failure, all or nothing. They’ll only take on tasks they feel sure they can master. If there’s a risk of imperfection, they often avoid it altogether.
6. You take everything personally.
Criticism or setbacks hit hard. Perfectionists often lack resilience, interpreting mistakes as proof of their deepest fear: “I’m not good enough.”
7. You get defensive when criticized.
At the slightest hint of criticism, a perfectionist may rush to defend themselves, even when it’s unnecessary. It’s a way of protecting their fragile self-image and avoiding anything that feels like a threat to their ego.
8. You’re never quite ‘there yet.’
Perfectionists are consumed by what they haven’t achieved. The goalpost keeps moving.
Because perfection is impossible, they’re trapped in a constant cycle of striving, never satisfied, never done.
9. Outcome-oriented, not process-oriented.
For perfectionists, joy lies only in the result, not in the journey. The process of learning or growing feels frustrating, not fulfilling.
Food for Thought
Being a perfectionist doesn’t necessarily mean you have impossibly high standards in every area of your life. You might be a perfectionist at work but relaxed about your appearance, or vice versa.
Perfectionism wears many faces.
Next Week: I will discuss the hidden impact of perfectionism in our lives.
Last Post’s Recap:In my last post, I wrote about love addiction, that intoxicating high of “falling in love,” the obsession with the chase, and the endless hunt for “the one.” Love addicts often put their partner on a pedestal, revolving their entire world around them, while neglecting work, friends, and
Love addiction often begins like a dream: moonlit walks, whispered promises, the heart racing as if it has finally found home. But dreams blur, and for some, that first rush becomes a craving that never ends. This isn’t simply falling in love. It is when romance becomes a drug, intoxicating,
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